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Bruce seemed to see the dilemma on Troy’s face because he leaned over the table and grabbed Troy’s hands, getting his attention. Then Bruce looked Troy in the eye and said: “It took courage coming here and telling me what you did. You didn’t have to, but you did. So I am willing to talk to you right now about anything going through your head at the moment, no judgement, total discretion. Nothing you say, or ask will leave this house.”Troy believed him, he also felt something from his dream, like Bruce knew something Troy didn’t know, yet.“How do you know if you’re gay?” Troy blurted this out after a million questions raced through his mind. Bruce smiled and said “If you’re only sexually attracted to the same sex, you’re gay.” Bruce replied very dryly. Then, in a much warmer tone he said, “Most people have to experiment and try things out before they know if they like it or not. I’m guessing what you saw yesterday left you with some strange feelings and you’re not quite sure what to. I turned to the window and stared out at the black and blue of night. Thoughts of her started creeping back in… the loss… the separation. My eyes began to mist as the hollow pit of my stomach swallowed another piece of my heart. “I can’t keep living like this. I need out of this hell. Please, God…” I lapsed into silence as tears streaked my cheeks. The rollie was short and burned my fingers. I carefully stubbed it out on the concrete slab that served as a windowsill as I took hold of me, bridling in my emotions and sliding the half-inch butt back into the Marlboro box. “I want sleep,” I thought. I climbed back into the bunk. I felt the tears welling up again. “Please, God…” I drew a slow, deep breath and shut my eyes. After a fashion, nothingness came. Then, mercifully, sleep. The dream began to form… The familiar watercolor sun began to torch the sky in flames of red and orange. I could again hear the soft calls of the loons and the water lapping at the shore. I could again feel.
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